Alone

I am alone. I am alone...

I feel like being pulled down into an abyss of depression; I can feel it draining me, hauling me deeper and deeper into the darkness. It is distorting my vision, triggering my emotions, changing my perception and isolating me from the world. Its hold on me is like claws, digging deeper into my soul. It becomes an addiction, opium to my dying soul.

When the crowd departs, when I am alone, I do not feel sad ,but I feel the quite opposite. I find joy as I walk, shop, watch movies, dine alone or spend my eternity alone. But I am now alarmed for I fear I am once more on the brink of depression. I cannot fathom why. Why? To me, it seems that being alone frees me; no can defy me, somehow I have control over my universe. It saves my heart from being crushed from others' judgment, from their own versions of me. Others ask me why I love it, and I simply cannot answer. For me it is far more complex, that feeling I get when I am alone could not be contained in a paragraph not even the whole set of the Harry Potter books. That's the problem; I could not pin point why I am so engrossed with such stupidity. Maybe its because I believe that being alone is like being in love. You yearn for it; it gives you jitters and every moment is nostalgic. When I am alone, everything around me changes. My imagination reaches at its peak, ideas flood my mind, as intense as how rapids are in Rio.I could literally explode with too much imagination. It also brings me to a world where I would want to live in. No, it creates a world well suited for me. 

Everything is just a sugar-coated fantasy, a delusion, a fallacy I need to snap out of. I need to reconnect, charge myself with optimism. I need to regain my fire, my spark, my vigor, my life. I need to live life now and tear the walls that is hindering me. It is my time to break loose, to throw away my shackles, to face the reality and to be logical. Being alone might be a bliss but when it encompasses our thought it is a wolf in a sheep's clothing, a Casanova. We might find it amusing but little did I know that the longer we fiddle with it's strings, we unconsciously gets entangled. It serenades us with its melodious voice but is actually filling our minds with toxic realizations and generalizations in life.

I need to change. I want to change, to break free.

Sometimes things may appear in a cupcake topped with rainbow sprinkles but what actually is inside is a cobra's venom , waiting for us to take one little bite. It becomes addictive, destroying our capability to think. It severs relationships, it steals our life from us. Loneliness when outdone is dangerous, we become unpredictable and impulsive and worse suicidal. I want to change. Help me change. Pull me out of the net; save me from its cruel lies. Make me snap out of it, make me a better person. It's seems so easy but so hard... Pull me out of the net... Please...

The Crash

HELP!

   As the dogs bark, I pedal harder. Sweat and tears gush out of my body. I scream for help, yet no one is in sight. The dogs, eight of them, came nearer; their ravenous eyes devour the sight of me. “Help!” I scream again, but no one is there. The dogs soon outrun me, I panic and increase my speed, but they are too fast. I lose all hope as I fly off the bike and crashed to a tree; a Kamansi tree to be exact.

    Pain awakens my unconscious body. I try to get up but I fall down again. I try to scream but no voice manages to come from my hoarse throat. Suddenly, I feel numb; I can't move my left arm. I try to move it, but the pain is so intense that I faint once more.

  

   I woke up to the sound of my panicking grandmother. She immediately asks my Uncle to drive us to the hospital in the city. The whole time, I was still in shock, and I could not register what the people around me were saying; it was as if they were speaking in Esperanto or something. My grandma tells me to relax and I did. Once again, I fall asleep.

When I woke up, all I could think about was how everything was my fault. I got caught and entangled in my own tricks. If it wasn't for American Idol I would have never been here. Flashes of different images filled my head, and the thought of those sharp teeth made me shudder. It was stupid of me to do such a foolish act. My grandma was right. I should have waited.

Let me tell you how I ended up bruised and caked with blood.

AMERICAN IDOL BROKE MY ARM!

      It was a beautiful summer day of May 26, 2010; the time when our chickens needed harvesting and the when most awaited finale of American Idol season 9 was going to air. That day, I went to up to our farm to help my grandmother and run errands for her. I didn't think that the duration of our stay there would conflict with the airing of the finale via satellite, but it did. So I asked my Lola if we could leave earlier so I would be able to catch the episode, but she said no because it would be wrong to leave our men here without supervision. I was mad at her response, and decided to wait for a couple of minutes for her to change her mind. But she was adamant, and wouldn't change her mind. I was restless and anxious with the thought that I might not be able to catch it. This was when I decided to do a solo flight on a bike, and, well, you could say that it all went to the dogs from there.

     I learned this lesson the hard way. Don't wait for something major to happen. Learn to wait and be patient ,because all good things comes to those who wait. 

Cyber Wars : Prey Of The Unknown

    Torn, fragmented and hurt are the three words that perfectly describe my inmost being at this very moment. Cyber Bullied, that’s what I am. 

     Have you ever heard of Cyber bullying? Cyber warfare? Perhaps, yes. In all its ugliness, Cyber Bullying destroys the breath of one's very soul. Sure it does not pain us physically but it drowns us in our very own spirits, as if we were being put to death in silence. Today, I was caught by its cruel tentacles. I feel trapped and I find it so hard to breathe for I know that I am now its victim; a prey of the unknown.

      This world is just so stereotyped and it breaks my heart to see how some people bully others in a non-traditional way, because it’s what everyone else does. They think that it’s so harmless and that it won’t actually cause the other being hurt, because no physical pain is inflicted. Little do they know that what they did is more fatal than actually stabbing me, or us, with a knife. Little did they know that they threw my spirit onto the ground, broken and shattered, and I knew it would never be the same ever again. Questions crowded up my mind; What did I do? Did I hurt anyone? Did I do or say something bad? I couldn't find the answer, but I know it in myself that this time, I’m not the one at fault. I am deeply saddened by people bashing me relentlessly and calling me things like over the top, Mr. Sports Attire, gay, a nuisance and many more. Honestly, I am writing this blog with tears streaming down my face, because I could not fathom the idea of destroying one's name and doing it through the online media, the internet. Isn't it just so degrading and inhumane that they post it online for the whole world to see and make one innocent being the world’s laughing matter? I believe that the people doing this are cowards hiding behind those anonymous posts and letting the internet do the kill for them. I believe those people are chained in insecurity and envy. Those people know what they do. Cowards, heartless cowards. 

      If this person veiled under the name of "observer" aims to wreck me, well congratulations to him, because he wrecked me up badly. I am torn, fragmented and hurt. Why was he able to do such hideous act? Why? I wish that he came straight to my face and confronted me, I would have been grateful for correction. If he wanted to alter something in me, he should’ve told me. He need not to be afraid, because I am an open book who likes to be written on. It might hurt being chiseled but it is way better than actually smashing me with a stone itself.

         I am not perfect, who is? We all need correction for our betterment as one whole being. Why not do it the UP WAY? Say it with conviction. Say it in person for the sake of mankind. If we don’t, I am rest assured that someday, somehow, it would lead to a catastrophic finish with many hearts and relationships broken. I know that in some eye, it seem benign and harmless, but that makes it worse; that makes cyber bullying impossible to stop.

     I do hope that this madness will come to an end. I hope that "observer" and the others would find happiness in the right things. I hope that before they cast a stone, they reflect it on themselves and create needed change if there is any, as well. I might be a vivacious, flamboyant chatterbox with a weird personality but I have feelings too. Know me and my story first; do not be hasty in throwing words because, like time, you can never get them back. Yes, the damaged has been done but you can still pull me out of the abyss that you have put me in. An act of kindness, love and respect for humanity is what we all need.

     I’m slowly fading in this world of cyber bullying. I’m suffocating. Save me.

Books

What is your favorite pastime?

Most people would answer watching movies, spending time with friends. Only a number would say reading books. 

We often disregard reading books because we think it's boring and a total waste of time. But behind those plain words lie a great story, a great place, and a great adventure.

         There are many reasons why people should read. One of which is it enhances our ability to be imaginative. Being imaginative leads to  productiveness. It could be useful in school and in work because it helps us see things in a different dimension. It helps us students in projects, presentation, and in writing articles.

         Reading makes fresh ideas pop up in one's head. It also makes us creative because we acquire new influences and different styles in doing certain things. Because of reading, we think differently from others, that's why we stand out. It also enhances our vocabulary and improves our grammar which is now an essential in everything we do these days.

         Reading is like hitting two birds with one stone.  We get a lot of benefits when we read. It provides pleasure and entertainment, but it also boosts our capability to think. It gives us better focus and concentration. Scientists and medical doctors also have proven that reading prevents memory loss, mood disorders and other mental illnesses. It is also known to reduce stress as well.

         Reading is fun. It brings us to different worlds. Sometimes, when we're drawn too much to the story and the world it brings, we don't want to leave it. Reading books is a great way to escape reality. It allows us to be whoever we want and to choose what role to play. It also gives readers a feeling of excitement and anticipation when the story is at its peak. That feeling we get, is what makes reading fun. It is also fun when we see ourselves in the characters.

         Books make us feel lots of emotions. That's when we say a story is a great one when we feel the emotions the author wants us to feel. The books allow us to think and make our conclusions. It gives us the possibility of being bipolar for we cry and laugh, smile and get mad.When you experience all this, you can really say that reading books is fun.

         Since we now know the benefits in reading books, we should take time to read one. Who knows what new things we will learn, what adventures we're about to encounter and what mysteries would we unravel. We now have no reason to say that reading books is a waste of time because of the many things we can benefit from it.



Whenever you read a good book, somewhere in the world a door opens to allow in more light.

–Vera Nazarian

Deep Couture: Fashion, More Than Meets The Eye

    Racks of designer shoes, rows of haute couture, boxes of expensive purses, handbags and dazzling accessories of different kinds. This is how we view fashion, the closet of the rich and famous but actually it is very present and  relatable to our everyday life. Fashion is everywhere; it is art, an expression, business, an asset and a teeny tiny bit of fortune telling. 

     Fashion is the art of bringing beauty and sophistication practically out of nothing. Your body is the easel while clothes serve as our paint. You may think that being fashionable is easy and shallow but actually there is more to it than meets the eye; it is far more complex. It has rules, laws and crimes; it requires beauty, charisma, poise and confidence as well. 

    Fashion is very demanding because it requires a lot of effort mixed with crazy ideas, perspiration, passion and inspiration. It is something with depth, for your 1000$ clothing will still look cheap if one does not possess the proper etiquette and attitude to par with it.

   Fashion is also a manifestation on how we humans attest our capacity to change. Trends, styles change through the course of time and we tend to adapt it. Trends can be likened to stock markets, fashion experts predict what’s going to be trending in few years, it works like how stock and marketing analysts do their estimated stock growth.

   Fashion expresses who we are like; our personality, taste and mood at times. It helps us discover and love who we are. Through fashion we will be able to embrace ourselves and nurture our own personal style. 

  We must always remember that fashion is not only for the rich; the truth is we don’t need to spend much to be fashionable; we just need to use our imagination. In making a painting the raw materials usually doesn't matter but it is the beauty that is conceived.

Introducing me

          Hey Guys! Mr. Chatterbox here. Welcome to my blog! I just want to let you all know that this day marks the start of a new adventure. For years I have been so interested in starting up a blog but I never had the guts to make one, not until now of course. At last, my dream has turned into a reality. Who would have thought that having a blog as a project would lead me to fulfilling my life long desire and that is of course to blog blog blog. I guess that that was the push I really needed. I would like to channel and share my thoughts,experiences,heartbreaks and etc. into this blog. To the future readers of my blog, I have now let you in my life, I hope you enjoy, laugh and cry with me in this new found journey that I am now going. So before everything else let me introduce myself.

          My name is Jersey John Blanco, sixteener and fresh. I am a proud Iskolar ng bayan, Christian and a Filipino. I love eating, singing, playing scrabble, reading books and many more but I assure you that you will never see me being timid and silent. I am a handful of things and being a chatterbox is just one of them. I just love talking so much to the point that my teachers during my elementary would send me out of the class. Well, Being a chatterbox is both a bliss and a disaster. I can either entertain you or annoy you to death; but if you listen to what I am talking about it actually has some sense in it.

          The only thing that can equal my love for talking is my love for singing. I love singing so much that  I sing anywhere and anytime. I can really attest that music can explain what words cannot because it became the outlet of my emotions. I usually don't allow people to borrow my ipod because i am ashamed of my musical tastes and I'm sure that they will find it weird and boring. I always imagine that in everything that is happening around me have a matching soundtrack. So if you find me singing some random song I might be thinking about the song that fits the situation. I can say that Taylor Swift is my obsession because her songs really makes sense. Nowadays, music is so commercialized to the point that the art of songwriting has been set aside just to make the tune catchy and marketable. I love anything that involves singing that is why I fell in love with musical theater. I have been performing since I was 8, I played as a psychopath, a ghost, Goliath, an ancestor of Mulan and many more. I am obsessed with Broadway and someday hopes to be a part of it even a flying monkey in Wizard of Oz will do. I've seen tons of plays both in theater and in the telly.I do not only annoy people through talking but in singing as well. I don't know what is wrong with me but I just can't stop.  I can really say though that singing and talking make up the Jersey John Blanco you see today.

        I am a firm believer of love; I call myself a Romanticist but I  believe that it only works on others for I have been alone since like forever.(*hahahahaahah ).  I do not eat goat meat because I had a pet goat once named Millie. I loved it with all my heart and raised it for a year or so but on the first day of April 2008 during my Lola's birthday, my beloved pet turned  into a sumptuous Caldereta. Ever since that day no goat meat touched my lips. I am an artsy type of person but I am interested in geography as well. I have familiarized almost every country's flag, culture, history and their tourist destinations of course. Someday I hope to travel around the globe as well that is why I am equipping myself with these information. I hope to visit Europe and their magnificent castles and museums. I hope someday to submerge in the cerulean waters of the Mediterranean, ride gondolas in Venice, feed pigeons in Milan, climb the Alps and visit the Eiffel tower.

         I can say that a lot of people got pissed with my boisterous nature but I am sure that I have brought more smiles and good belly laughs to others as well. I am very warm in nature and I really do hope that you would feel me in my writing as well, my warmth and my personality. I do really hope that you enjoy flipping and reading my blog.

       To my readers, welcome to my life. <3